Why I'm Still Here

I wrote the following in response to someone who is currently going through their own battle with cancer; and I thought I'd share my words here as well. After writing it on the fly, it reallt reflects why I'm still here in my currently incarnated state of being. I wrote it this way, no edits, no drafts, one pass and off into the Internet ethers my words were posted.

So here we go......

At age 34 in 2001, I was diagnosed with Malignant Melanoma. Most skin cancers are not deadly unless left untreated. They simply remove them and life goes on, that's it. Most skin cancer deaths are caused by Melanoma; and of the 4 types, Nodular, (of course the type I had), is the most invasive and the most deadly because it grows DOWN vs OUT. There are also 2 scales by which they measure the tumor, Clarks is one, and Breslow is the other. One measures depth, one measures width. I was a Clarks Level 5 and a Breslow Level 4, the highest on both scales.

the tumor was 9mm deep (half in inch) in the left-lateral side of my scalp. Chemotherapy and Radiation do not work on it. It would have been better to have another form of cancer where those methods DO have some sort of viable affect, but on Melanoma, they do not. It's all a guessing game of trial and error. they did surgery and said they got it all, which they did. I had a great Oncologist, who is also a Surgeon. (He did the usual College > Medical School > Internship) to become a doctor, but then he went BACK again to become what is he is today; so he's got a total of 21 years in just in schooling and internship. he's both an Oncologist and a Surgeon, which most people are not both. Suffice it to say, he had a LARGE part of my staying here......

However..........

Within 15 minutes of getting the news, I made a conscious decision to live or die (from this incarnation anyway). Death, like birth, is not a begining nor an end, but instead is only merely a gate of transition through which we all must pass.

From whence ye came, so shall ye return; the only difference between is, what did you learn?
What did you teach and who did you reach?

You see....we enter this World with nothing, but it is up to us if we leave it the same way we came into it, or if we leave it with everything that matters... love, family, friends, memories and experiences, all the intangible things that really matter. The things that matter cannot be held within your hands, but only within your soul, within your heart of who and what we really are. It is within this essence of pure being, and of being, that we simply are.

I did not leave this realm, this incarnation, because it is not my time, I am not ready, and I have too much to do here yet in the service of others. I firmly believe that while my surgery and medical care was needed, and while many sent love, prayers and healing energy my way; it is this spark of divine conscious decision to stay or to leave which made the difference.

It's been 9 years. I'm 43 and still here.

Nick, I don't know you in this incarnate state, but I know we are one. I know the greatest force, indeed The Source of All That Is, is Love. I send you this Love not from my human mind, not from my incarnate state of being, but from the being of my true self, our true self. As I have survived this cancer in my incarnate state, as I send this Love to you, I pray that your journey be long and your path be clear. You will both learn lessons and teach them. Knowing what I know now, I would never undo my experiences, for they helped define me who I am today, as your experience will help you define yourself. I'll close with my email signature, as it says it very well, I think....

Manifest your reality.

So shall you perceive it, so shall it be.

The only limitations you have are the ones you believe in and place on yourself; because who you are is who you choose to be.

Do not let others define you, nor should you define anyone else. Instead, define yourself and live honestly. Others will see you as you really are.

What you believe is a possibility.
What you choose is a destiny.