Ethics, Morals and Domestic Abuse

Much has been written about ethics and morals, but they are only factors, not the subject of this article. For brevity’s sake, I will say that ethics and morals are unique to each of us, but when people live together in a village, city, or otherwise have a societal community at large; those individual morals and ethics contribute to the collective whole. The individuals that make up these communities and society may have some commonalities between them as far as ethics and morals go; but every one affects the All, and therefore the actions of one affect each of us even though we may not feel or recognize them, there are still effects.

All that being said, we as a society run quite the gamut of individuals of both sexes; some good, some not so good, and some, downright evil. (for common understanding I use these terms of “good” “bad” “evil”, etc, but I do not subscribe to the absolute meanings of them).

Now, all THAT being said, it’s time to get the point since I’ve laid down the preliminaries of where I’m coming from for the purpose of common understanding…

I had a best friend once, although the relationship was a bit lopsided in many ways for both of us. I relied on him to work on my cars, help move me, hang out (and in our younger days), get into trouble with, etc. For most of the 27 years (since I was 13) that we were friends; a lot of it was good and some bad. There was a time (1987-1997) when we didn’t talk for because of his drug use years ago, and I had to get away from his decline. I couldn’t be around to watch it, and I didn’t want the drama, the negative energy, etc. In 1997, after much caution on my part, to make sure that the bullshit was done and over with, we got back on speaking terms, hanging out, etc.

A few years down the road, he got married and then one night, he beat his wife and I had to call the cops on him. It happened so fast, I was in shock. Unless your life is in immediate danger, you do not hit a woman. Clearly, this was not the case. He went off on here because he was drunk and stupid. After things settled down and he got out of jail, we had a talk. I told him, “Never do that again. Ever.”

Fast-forward a few years, as that happened in the early 2000s. He now has a girlfriend who just gave birth to his 6^t kid and his 1^st with her. One night and drunk again, he strangled her so hard that he left fingerprint bruises on her neck. He really did a number on here from what I hear from a friend of mine that was living with them at the time. He threatened to kill her, to kill him, and I don’t even want to know whatever else. Again, I was not there, and it’s probably a very good thing I wasn’t. All of this took place on October 12^th, 2007, the night before my wedding reception on the 13^th. (He was my best friend at the time as well as the best man at my wedding on the October 7^th). Needless to say, he didn’t make the reception because he was in jail. Did that upset me? A bit, but not really at all compared to the fact that he did it again – He hit a woman and he’s probably been doing it all along. By my own ethics and morals, I cannot abide by this, nor associate with someone, even a best friend of 27 years, who does this. There is quite simply, NO excuse for domestic violence – ever. Obviously he has never changed and probably never will. He will always be a drunkard, a liar, and a woman beater.

His boss and his boss’s wife were at my wedding reception the night after all of this went down. I told him in no uncertain terms that he (meaning my now ex-best friend), are done. I made it perfectly clear; and I guess his boss must have given him the message because I haven’t heard from or talked to my ex-best friend since the day before it happened on the 12^th. Apparently his boss now has him living with him and allowed him to keep his job. While that is his choice, it’s mine to not associate with either of them. I cannot condone such actions, associate with those who beat women or those who help the abusers continue their self-destructive patterns, It will not be a matter of IF, but WHEN he does it again. Maybe this time he will kill someone, and I pray that he, his boss, and all those who support them can live with their choices and consequences thereof. Unfortunately for them, I cannot abide by such things and because of this, friendships have been broken and people have been banished without prejudice from my life.

I am not angry over this whole ordeal, or even at my friend. Anger is a choice I will not make; and anger is a choice he does much, which is why he is the way he is. Since July 2005, I’ve been on a different path than I was before. It was a time of major change in my life and my spiritual beliefs. I have evolved and become a much more peaceful person who seeks enlightenment, lives in the moment, and has become free of many bonds.

In November 2005, a friend of mine turned wife, got together. She was abused by her ex-husband many years ago. Divorced since 1995, she has healed in many ways, not so much in others. She still has some fear, some scars, some wounds that have mostly healed; and whether they ever will, I don’t know. Not only would I lose her respect, her daughter’s respect (as they look up to me as their father), my family and friend’s respect, but also I would compromise my own ethics, morals and self-respect. The cost would be too high and one I choose not to pay. He’s not worth it.

I wrote this article not out of anger, not out of fear, not out of judgment, but out of choice. Those things are not an issue, as I have purged him and all around him from my life, forever banished.

The purpose of this article is hope.

Hope that maybe one day he will change, but somehow I doubt it. He hasn’t changed much in 27 years. I tried to warn his boss, but sadly, he didn’t listen to me. One would think when a friend ends a 27 year friendship; people would listen to the reasons why.

Hope that others will see not all men are bad or will stand by those who hurt others, especially women.

Hope that maybe this will inspire others to act if they have a similar situation in their own life, be it themselves or their friend who hits women.

Hope that there IS hope.

Ladies, trust me. If your man abuses you mentally, physically, and or emotionally, he lies, he cheats, he steals part of your soul, and he will do it again and again and again and again and…..

If you are in such a situation, it is not a matter of IF, but WHEN it happens again…and the next time, might be the LAST time. The choice is yours to stay or go.

May you choose well.

I have healed and do not hold harm nor anger. My message has been said to all who know me, and now to the World at large. It is done.

So mote it be.

Copyright © 2008 Rev. Ron Schreiner All Rights Reserved