What really motivates me from within to be the best that I can be?
The answer is simple: True love for my wife and the life she has lived.
I first met Vicki in 2001 at an event held by a social group my then-girlfriend Heidi and I belonged to. (Heidi actually introduced us.) At first sight of Vicki, I felt some sort of connection at a very deep level that I just couldn’t place my finger on at the time. After awhile I stopped trying to figure it out. Maybe it was from a past life? Maybe I saw her somewhere once before? I figured “who knows.”, and I let it rest at that. I just couldn’t figure it out, so I let it go.
I became friends with Vicki and we talked on and off over the years, but it was sporadic at best – especially after Heidi at I broke up in 2003. During the time I was dating Heidi, Vicki would often tell her how badly she was treating me. (and Heidi did. Not all the time, but she had a bad case of OCD, other mental health issues, etc.) Vicki defended me quite a bit. (Some of this I saw, most of it I did not find out until years later when Vicki and I got together and started on our path together as a couple.)
In September of 2005, my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I sent out an email to various people asking for good energy, prayers, call it what you will, I needed the support, as did my family. My father was losing his wife of 56 years, I was 38 and losing my first parent, my dad has 2 forms of cancer, I had cancer at 34 years old, my mom had had breast cancer years earlier, so cancer has ravaged my family for years, but now it was terminal in my immediate family. One of the people I emailed was Vicki. Having lost her own father to cancer and her mother to long illness and heart attack years earlier, she knew what I was going through and wanted to be there for me. We emailed back and forth a few times, writing, talking, and making plans to get together.
Now something strange happened….
In my last email before we were to meet, I told her that I was “all in”. Something inside of me, more than a feeling, call it “a knowing”, told me to fully commit to her. At the time I didn’t know why I did such a thing, especially for a casual friend that I was just meeting to visit with, but I trusted in my choice and went with it. Upon meeting her in her drive, after talking a bit, I gave her a kiss; and it is a magical kiss I will never forget. Description of it is beyond words, but it was all the verification I needed that my choice to go “all in”, was the right one to make.
We sat and talked, learned a lot about each other in a very short period of time. After I’d left that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about her, so the next night I went back, proposed to her, and except for 2 days, we’ve not been apart one day since November of 2005. (as of this article’s writing, it is January 2008.) The entire beginning of Vicki and I’s relationship inspires me. In that one kiss, I knew I found my soulmate.
Over the next year, we learned a lot about each other and went through many trials and tribulations. She lost her business of 25 years and her house of almost as long, which I will explain more in-depth in a bit. I had slowly started moving out of the music business, had to get my first day job in 7 years, moved in with her, and we had to find a new place to live together, along with a few other things we went through as well together. We went through things that would have torn many an established relationship apart, let alone a fledgling new one. We were baptized in fire, so to speak. Our lives were one big 5 alarm of constant emergencies and major upheaval, but our life together was also one of strong bliss. The foundation of our relationship cannot be shaken. It is solid beyond words.
When Vicki’s first husband went crazy (literally, - and not because of her), they had owned 2 business, a tax accounting firm, and a video store business; so naturally the tax accounting business did the financial stuff for the video store business as well. By the end of it all, he had gambled away $125,000 and was living inside of a feces covered car in the casino’s parking lot. It wasn’t until she threatened media attention that the casino evicted him. To make matters worse, a good part of their relationship was troubled by domestic violence that resulted in physical abuse of her and her 3 daughters. Eventually she escaped from the marriage after trying for years to save it, to no avail. The IRS ended up shutting down her video store, and she managed to get it re-opened again, which made the local newspapers. So now without a husband and no child support or family to rely upon, she raised 3 daughters by herself, paid a mortgage on the house and maintained a business (the video store), for 25 years. She ended up mortgaging the house over and over after paying off each one, so that she could use the money to finance her business. The last time she did this, she had attempted to open a 2nd video store, a first for her, and the location and business was so bad that she had to let all of the employees go at the 2nd store and run it by herself. She’d work 12-15 hour days with hardly a customer. Eventually, the 2nd store’s financial loss killed it and took the 1st store down with it as well. For 10 months she survived just on Internet sales of inventory, eventually buying one last video store in November 2005. 10 months earlier, her 2 stores had closed, and this was one last valiant effort in the video business. Of course things have continued downward in the entire video industry. Here was a woman who innovated the video business by adding tanning to video stores. A 10 years in office ex-president of the Video and Software Dealers Association (VSDA), someone well known within the industry, and she was barely hanging on.
She inspires me.
In August 2006 when my mother died from her cancer, my father, my 2 brothers and 2 of my 3 sisters were there in the room. Some of my siblings have been married for over 20 years, yet their spouses were not there. Beside me, my soulmate, Vicki, a woman I’d been with only 10 months, was by my side as my mother passed beyond the veil. The bond formed by Vicki and my mother is a strong one. My only regret is that they didn’t have more time together, that Vicki didn’t know my mom when she was well, before she was sick, but they did get to know each other, which is important to me. The fact that they bonded like they did, that is a miracle and a very precious thing to me as well. So, Vicki and I faced death together with a close loved one. Vicki also faces death everyday because she has some major health conditions. The doctors told her in 1995 when she was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus (SLE), that she had 5-7 years to live. Add onto all of this the fact that this is not her only major health issue, (another one is connective tissue disease) and you can compound the degree to which I am inspired by her. All of the things of which I wrote above, she has done while in not so great of health.
She is one of the strongest people I know. She lives life with a passion that inspires me. She fights when others would have long given up, having walked that road in life alone for so many years. She’s alone no more, because she has me and I have her.
She is not only the love of my life, she is my life.
Each morning I wake up next to her, I am inspired.
Each day I go through life out in the World, I represent her, and I am inspired.
Each time I look into her eyes, I am inspired.
Each time I hold her hand, I am inspired.
Each time I kiss her, I am inspired.
Each time I touch her, I am inspired.
Each time I think of her, I am inspired.
In our love, I am inspired, and in inspiration, I love.
Copyright © 2008 Rev. Ron Schreiner . All Rights Reserved
Update: 11/21/09 - October 7th, 1009, Vicki and I celebrated our two year wedding anniversary and in early 2010, we'll be moving into our new, custom-buolt house.
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